I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize