Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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