The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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