I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
