that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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