I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
