I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
