ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
