i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
