Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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