I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I die, sorry about rent.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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