ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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