you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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