tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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