I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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