i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
