Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
