My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
