I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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