Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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