He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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