My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
