Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Randomize
