they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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