im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
