I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
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i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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