Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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