Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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