Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
smell my finger.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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