is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
