I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
