Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
