Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
