Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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