He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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