you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
