is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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