That's intense
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
