i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
