Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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