So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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