After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
