After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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