That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
