i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
