It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
