yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
50% drunk capacity currently
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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