just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
