all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize