Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
