to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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