Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
