True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
