dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
