i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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