Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
