It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
