i think my mom watched the whole time
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
