I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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