the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
