Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
