their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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