And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
