Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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