Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize