I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
