All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
