my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
