I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
