i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
